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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ladies-face it, your man watches porn

I don't believe I have a girlfriend who hasn't, at some point, discussed her boyfriend/husband's porn collection. Some of them proudly display the collection in between the The Matrix and Season 4 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the living room. Others ignore the fact that whenever they type a "p" into the address bar "pussy" pops up. A few will storm into their place of employment with the Hustler they found under the front seat and announce to the entire warehouse that they work with a pervert. Actually, only one did that, but still it's noteworthy. Here's the thing that we can usually all agree on. Boys are gross and they like to touch themselves. We learned this a long time ago girls! It's just what they do, you can't stop them-and really you don't want to. If he can't get his day started right in the shower, are you going to wake up for a quickie? After you spent 12 hours at work taking hell from your boss, are you going to smile and oblige when he taps you on the back of the head before you've even taken your earrings off? Thank mother nature for making boys so fond of self gratification, it's like sexual saccharin. "No honey, you had real sugar last night, Grey's Anatomy is on, why not try a sugar substitute?"
So, now that we've established your man is gonna touch himself whenever he has the opportunity-would you rather him have a playboy in his (other) hand, or think about the neighbor he watched bend over to pick up the paper this morning? We'd like to think he thinks of us in all our sexiness, but c'mon now, as you watch him fight with a weedwacker you don't for a second close your eyes and see Gabriel Solis' hot gardner on Wisteria Lane? If his atrocious collection of 70s bush isn't cutting into your action, and you aren't awakened to "bow chicka bow wow" with an elbow to the ribs at 3am what are you really concerned about? Some argue that porn is degrating to women, but I don't think Jenna Jameson cries as she gasses up her Farrari. Women make a choice to be in porn, women make a choice to be strippers, women make a choice to be escorts. It may not be for you, lord knows it's not for me, but if that's how they want to pay the rent, they can live with the consequences. They don't need saving. They're not addicts, they don't get the shakes without a shot in the face.
So, ladies, leave the poor bastard alone. Don't ask him questions about his viewing habits or favorite websites. Does he ask you questions about your period? Porn is a guy thing, let him have it, we have bigger battles to fight-like who will do the dishes or fold that last load of laundry? Face it ladies, your man watches porn.

4 comments:

  1. I don't care if my man watches porn as long as it does not affect him wanting to have sex with me....very well written!

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  2. LOL!

    I was always surrounded by guys (being a tomboy) and quickly discovered this fact. Boys...are gross. I wasn't the least bit surprised that my boyfriend in college watched porn... I think I scare the crap out of guys when I ask them what type they watch! There's this awkward moment where they're like "is she setting me up?" and when they answer and I don't freak (as long as it's not bestiality or necro porn or something gross like that) they feel comfortable. Who wants to have these secrets?! Lighten up...take an interest...ask questions. You'll be surprised what that can do for you. Imagine if your boyfriend took an interest in some of your pasttimes...

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  3. I completely, wholeheartedly concur.

    I think trying to control what a man jerks off to is a sign of insecurity. But, personally, I have thought of people other than my boyfriends while using my trusted pocket rocket. And I also bought my last boyfriend vintage Playboys for Christmas. And I'm also single. So maybe my opinion is void.

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  4. agreed! nothing wrong with porn - and yeah, as long as it's not weird porn.

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